Smack addict accidentally wins Santa Fun Run

Local heroin addict Pete Parker was surprised to learn, after frantically walking a couple of miles, that he had won the annual Llanfairpwll Santa Dash.

An onlooking run clapper said “He came from nowhere...and looked a bit arrogant with his hands in his pockets just walking fast. He had no interest in the water volunteers were offering.”

Mr Parker, who also did not bother stopping at the finishing line for the complementary ‘cuppa and a few biscuits’ was chased down for comment.

“I won? Sorted, where’s my money?”

Speculation has already begun about whether or not he will return in 2025 to defend his trophy.

Parker added, “Hopefully if the gangrene will slow down.”