Russel Brand’s ‘My Rapey Wapey’ will not be released 

Comedian and Christian Russel Brand’s new memoir about his cheeky and potentially criminal adventures, will not be released, we can reveal.

The pro Trump former Heroin enjoyer has penned ‘My booky wook’ and ‘My booky wook 2’ but will not get an outing for his latest memoir.

He said, ‘I feel the mainstream nefarious media have a ‘orrible wistfulness to not let my surreptitious doodling a fair publication, giving me and my ballbag thoughts of clinomania. I shall have to pull down my pants, evoke mr Winkle from his lair, like the eudaemonia cobra snake the rascal is, and let the naughty reptile spray an opalescence all over the deniers of free speech… just like Jesus wants me to.’

He continued, ‘This whole rigamarole has left my mr tickle feeling proper doleful, so what I’ll do, and what Jesus would do also, is take some supplements pills which you can get now on my website with 15% discount is you write in ‘Jesusballbag’.’