Bouncer admits he just wants to stay in and watch Strictly 

A bouncer has admitted that he longs to stay in on a Saturday and watch Strictly Come Dancing, we can reveal.

Brian Hoop has been a doorman at a pub for over 10 years and has told The Daily Flange how he dreams of enjoying Saturday night TV.

He said, ‘I yearn for Saturday night television and picking that phone up and voting for my favourite dance. When I’m stood by the door I often look up to the stars and think of couples, or families just making a cup of tea and settling down to pure shit on the box.’

‘I imagine some of the dances going on, so elegant and graceful. I think of the magnificent dresses and how they’ll float across that historic floor. Hell, sometimes I think of it as me out there, draped in a tuxedo, a shine on my shoes, a smile on my face.’

‘Then my trance is broken as I have throw a student out for being sick on the seats. Reality is a bitch.’