Keir Starmer promises he is ready to be just as bad

The Labour leader Sir Keir Starmer has pledged he will be ready and waiting to be just as bad as any of the Conservative Prime Ministers over the last decade.

At a warehouse somewhere up north wearing a high vis, he said, ‘The time has come for the Great British people to get rid of the party that has given us Brexit, high energy bills, a cost of living crisis and Boris Johnson and Liz Truss as actual Prime Ministers.’

‘Obviously we won’t do anything differently. We’ll have several years getting away with blaming the Tories for what they left us. Then we’ll try to improve waiting times by a minute or two.

‘But I can tell you now that I will be scrapping the Rwanda scheme. We are quite confident that if you just let people in then they’ll see the country is no good for anyone and head back to somewhere with much better housing and health services.’