Wanker Old Boy student back for one night only

A former student who was a well known wanker, is set to return for an ‘old boys’ reunion.

Matty Dilson, now a property developer, is looking forward to seeing his old pals for a night out in their University town.

He told us, ‘It’s going to be fucking epic. When the boys and I get together we bring something to the party that you don't see everyday; I’m talking Champions League level bants.

‘The locals absolutely loved us back in the day, always bantering with us, ‘Just Fock off home’ they’d say. We were like, ‘er no, whassssssupppp!’ and then give each other a wedgie. After that my mate Bozzo would always put a fire extinguisher up his arse. Quality!’

Several pubs have banned Matty and his friends saying, ‘We are committed to ensuring our regular customers have a good night unfortunately the old boys were wankers then and are wankers now.’