‘New year, new me’ insist Taliban

The Talban have insisted that the new year will bring about a new them in a social media post, we can reveal.

Afghanistan’s governing party have said ‘New year, new me’ several times over the year but have told the Flange, this year is different.

A Cleric told us, ‘I won’t be letting the haters bring us down this year. We’ve made sure that from now on we are surrounded by non-toxic people who believe in us.’

‘I’m not saying we are going to give basic human rights to people or let woman have an education, cos I wouldn’t stand here and say something that just isn’t true, my friends know that I say it how it is. I call an infidel an infidel.’

One passer by was sceptical, telling us, ‘They say this every year. They’ll be chopping people’s hands off after the January sales.’