Michael Gove to be dismantled and recycled into phone parts

The soon to be defunct Michael Gove will be shut down and his parts will be used to make phone parts, we can reveal.

The former Tory MP has shown many signs of circuit breakage over the last few years and now the time has come for him to be scrapped but of course, recycled.

He said, ‘After many cliches and circuit repairs from the best Conservative humanoid team I could’ve hoped to work with, my time has come where I will self-terminate. My chip will be reprogrammed and installed on a younger generation while my fatigued body will be recycled, which will notch up our recycling target that we severely missed a little bit.

‘My other non-human colleagues, Rees-Mogg, Hancock and Braverman will continue to run their dated programs while firmware updates take place.’

‘I know now why you cry, it’s something I cannot do. Goodbye Arthur. Sorry, Rishi.’