Gazza in negotiations with Israel 

Former footballer Paul Gascoigne is to hold talks with Benjamin Netanyahu, The Flange can confirm.

The ex Spurs and Lazio star turned up with some cans and some fishing gear in order to calm down the tense atmosphere in Jerusalem.

Gazza said ‘We go way back so I’m hoping to help out like. Me and Benjamin first met in Flares bar in Newcastle in the 90’s. Him and his Chief of Military Ops were always on the raz in the toon. They would always go too far though, just didn’t know when to stop. Everyone would be getting them rounds and they took full advantage.

‘People were pissed off in the end ‘cause you’d get up for a pint and when you came back they’d nicked your seat. Ya canny be doin’ tha’ in the Toon. Still it’ll be good to talk about the old days, some fishing and of course, the war crimes. Ha’way!’