Council to get rid of lollipop person and build school on other side of the road

The council have decided to lay off a local Lollipop person and instead rebuild a school on the opposite side.

The initiative came to light this week when councillor Graham Gobble laid out the plans. He told us, ‘We are wasting good money year in year out with those lollipop types. Much better to rebuild on the other side so people don’t need to cross over.

‘Of course the initial cost will be high whilst we bulldoze the old school then start the new one but we will recover the cost in savings on the lollipop person, high vis attire, hats and, of course, the lollipop itself.'

‘This is just the start of our money saving scheme. Let’s get people walking on the correct side to start with then traffic lights and bridges can go.’

The optimistic lollipop man, who is not bothered enough to get his union’s advice said, ‘It won’t happen. There’s a burnt out Suzuki Alto sat in a pothole outside the school that’s been there for 4 years...so this ain’t happening.’