Heartbeat and other TV shows that gave you anxiety on a Sunday evening 

Ah the melancholic Sunday evening before school. The weekend went so fast but it wasn’t quite over, as these TV programmes and their themes were there to raise those anxiety levels…

Poirot: Has a more boring theme tune and detective ever existed? That dull music kicked in and that stupid moustache appeared and suddenly you remembered that there is double maths in the morning.

Heartbeat: Nick Berry from Eastenders and that dodgy Claude fella were always roaming about that village. Claude was always down on his luck but probably ended up selling his house to an Airbnb in a village like that.

Songs of Praise: Songs of shite with Aled Jones loitering around Cathedrals while the songs were sung by a load of people who didn’t usually turn up in that church but didn’t miss their chance to get their Polo Mint mouths on the tele.

World in Action: With a very ‘The Day Today’ like credits where it looks like Jesus has 4 arms. We’re talking, fraud, molesters, rapists, gang violence, classic Sunday evening stuff.

Clive James: Getting late now and you should probably be in bed but there’s just enough time for Clive to bring on Margarita Pracatan to do some sort of aunty dancing at a wedding act.

Howard’s Way: Never got past the opening credits and theme tune which are pure Alan Partidge but pretty sure it’s about a bloke with a Yacht. Get to bed, school in the morning!