Desperate Tories promise to reopen all coal mines

The Conservative Party have now insisted they will reopen and hand back the jobs back at the coal mines they closed in the 80s, we can reveal.

In what looks like a last ditch attempt to win votes, they claim it is time to let bygones be bygones and get the miners working again.

Rishi Sunak said, ‘We may have had our troubles and we know people will think we are just saying this, but we always bloody loved the miners. We actually loved the big wheel things on top of hills in those towns up North and in Wales. And we always loved those miners, yes we starved them and their families and tore their communities apart, but it’s because of that we can now bring them back together.’

‘They wouldn’t starve these days because of the food banks so now is the right time for us, if re-elected, to reopen them all. And, if I remember correctly, they had much support from gays and lesbians so they should support us now if we are doing this.’

Skeptics are saying this is another desperate Tory ploy to get votes along with the ‘Celebrate section 28’ and ‘Milk for kids’ Bank holiday pledges.